I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
