He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
