Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
