I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
