We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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