Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
