You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
