my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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