Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
