Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Green mimosas i think yes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
