So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
