At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
