Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
