i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
