Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
