Need sex. Gaining weight.
you would pick up someone in the library
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
