You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
