The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
third nipple confirmed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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