Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
