The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
