And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
