I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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