Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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