my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
