If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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