my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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