This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
