I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
