I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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