I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We smell like vodka and hangover
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