So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
