I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
