Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
