I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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