My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The best revenge is premature balding
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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