i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
