New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
