I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
