I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
