I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
