i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
