Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
