thus making me awesome and them whores
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
