she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
