Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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