We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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