I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
