My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
