apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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