god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
