Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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